May 31, 2011

What the bleep is wrong with me?!?

The past few days I have slept nearly non-stop around the clock - waking up only to complete the most crucial life eating.

My body hurts in ways that make no sense. My elbows hurt. My legs ache. I feel like I completed an Ironman and then lost a few rounds in the boxing ring.

Walking from the kitchen to the bed I am short of breath and dizzy. I hit the mattress and find myself asleep for 6-8-12 hours at a time. I wake soaked in my sheets from night sweats.

The sun outside hurts my eyes and I hide in the darkest room in the house to avoid the light.

All of the gains I made in the past few months have disappeared. Where did they go??

No point in calling the doctors; they've heard it all before and have anything new to offer. No point in telling my friends, who wants to hear this crap? My family are kind, but worried...I don't want to trouble them either.

Is this a flare?
A relapse?
Extended jet lag?

I can't find a single diagnosis that matches my symptoms and it is frustrating as hell.

Thanks for listening...I'm going back to sleep now.

May 29, 2011


One of the HUGE benefits of my life with Brilliant Husband is the ability to travel with him to wonderful locations and stay in some of the nicest hotels.

A week ago, we were in Geneva for a conference in which he was a keynote speaker. We stayed at the amazingly gorgeous Hotel Kempinski located along the shoreline of Lake Geneva. The picture above was snapped on the balcony where we had breakfast each day.

The downside to this wonderful perk is that I am a terrible traveler. When we cross time zones, I spend days in bed sleeping off jet lag. I catch every germ that passes through the recycled air of the plane. My stomach goes into crisis with any change from routine, and digestion comes to a standstill. NOT the best way to see the world!

It will come as no surprise to anyone who has followed my blog for some time to hear that I spent the day, afternoon and evening our our 5th wedding anniversary lying in bed in a coma-like state. Our plans for a romantic anniversary dinner went out the window when it became apparent that I was too woozy to stand up and get to the shower at 5 PM.

Fast forward to the next morning when I found myself wide awake at 6 AM. I quietly got dressed and went outside to explore.

Walking along the path along the lake, I watched the sunrise over the mountains. It was magical. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the most beautiful white swan come into view, swimming towards me.

That morning, I was fully awake, and it was perfect.

May 9, 2011

When your dog is your baby: post mothers day blues

I can be overly sensitive, even when I know it's not rational...which happened yesterday during our Mothers Day celebration.

DH and I had a lovely gathering for our moms for cake. Joining us were our close friends who have a six-month-old baby.

I realize that dogs are not children, but since we don't have children, I tend to think of our dogs as 'my babies'. However the "real baby's" mom comes from a culture where dogs are not considered pets. She struggles with the idea of dogs living in the house. I don't really understand her perspective, but when she is over, I do try to keep the dogs away from her, or offer to lock the dogs in their kennel.

For the most part, the visit went well, but at one point, my puppy walked over to where she was sitting and licked the top of the baby's hand. Baby's mom looked horrified. She jumped up and went to the kitchen sink and scrubbed...and scrubbed...and scrubbed. She was clearly disgusted.

Now I'm no fan of dogs licking. I don't encourage it at all. But somehow in that moment, my heart felt broken.

I already feel badly that we don't have a baby of our own, and likely never will. I feel guilty that we've only given our moms grand-dogs. But to have my dogs regarded as filthy creatures by my friend who is lucky enough to have a child just hurt.

Yes, I know I'm in the wrong.

I realize that my friend is entitled to feel however she wants about dogs.

I realize that as a new mother she is naturally protective of her baby and doesn't want him exposed to germs.

But my feels are hurt.

I should just get over it, and I suppose I will, but tonight I feel sad that our little family isn't a "real" family...even if we sign our mothers day cards with love from both of us and the 'fur-kids'.

May 3, 2011

Election Day - The Morning After

Like most Canadians, I didn't see the need for yet another federal election...(this being our fourth in 7 years!)

I was fine with a Conservative minority government (held on a tight leash by the Liberal opposition and the NDP). No one seemed upset with the status quo except for the delusional Liberals who triggered the election six weeks ago.

As I surveyed the field of candidates, I found them all lacking.

Conservative Leader and incumbent Stephen Harper: with his steely gaze and oddly oppressive approach to transparency (only 4 questions allowed at every stop along his campaign trial) seems to present a danger to Canadian values (more prisons!) - but for now, he's the most solid leader we've got....sigh....

Liberal leader (actually he resigned this morning) Michael Ignatieff: An intelligent man who just could not connect with voters. I think voters cared less about his lengthy academic career in the USA than we did about the overall feeling of inauthenticity that he emitted. With all the panache of a pollster's talking point, he seemed to be, well, whatever you wanted him to be. (Much as I dislike Stephen Harper, I do think he is authentically aloof and controlling.)

Which brings us to NDP leader Jack Layton. How could anyone not like Jack? With a genuine smile on his face, he crossed Canada with the help of a cane as he recovered from medical ailments. I like Mr. Layton's style, but am lost to understand how his party would pay for even more government.

Mr. Layton also survived a late-campaing sex scandal to become the official opposition last night. Who the heck cares if Layton was found in a massage parlour in 1996? He was not even charged! If this was the best dirt they could dig up on the guy, it only served to make him more interesting than the other candidates.

Forgive me for not discussing the platforms of our lesser-known parties; groups like The Green Party, The Animal Alliance Party, The Communist Party of Canada, The Pirate Party, The Marijuana Party, The Rhinoceros Party, Christian Heritage Party of Canada -- suffice to say, they represent Canada's diversity.

Much like blogger "Not House", I came thisclose to spoiling my ballot, but ultimately decided to bite the bullet and make a choice.

And so...we have a Conservative Majority government. *shiver*

Mr. Layton, Mr. Ignatieff, couldn't you just have let well enough alone?