Holiday

After our whirlwind month of March (DH successfully defended his thesis), I accompanied my brilliant husband on a short trip to Holland, where he was launching his new book.

What an amazing trip. I spent my days wandering the streets and canals, taking pictures and sipping cappuccino at sidewalk cafes.

Being gluten free in Holland is surprisingly easy, the hotel concierge called ahead to book reservations and ensured that there would be GF options available. One restaurant even baked me a little gluten-free cake with a chocolate centre. Delicious!!

I am savouring my health...enjoying every day that I can be out in the world exploring, not locked away in a hotel room sleeping.

From here, my advisor's comments sting less and I feel more alive. What more could I ask for?

A better day

I woke up this afternoon (after 12 hours of sleep) feeling refreshed and kind of...happy?

The sight of 100+ student papers sitting on my desk, waiting to be graded was daunting, but kind of enjoyable too. It is interesting to look at the world through the eyes of a second-year undergraduate student.

My dearest husband is nearing the completion of his doctorate and burning the midnight oil to finish some last minute details in time for his defence next week. I am so excited for him, this degree has been ten years in the making and he has done it all while working full time in private practice and dealing with his own diagnosis of adult ADHD. He is an inspiration.

My ten-year old Princess Cat is also feeling much better. She is off of the morphine she was prescribed for pain and appears to be comfortable. This is evidenced by her sleeping on my head once again (after several worrisome days of her hiding in the basement). Her illness cost us about $900.00, but she is worth ever penny.

After spending a night in the ER with my mom, I realized was that my cat was able to get much more timely care than my mother!

Of course, my mother's care did not require any out of pocket payments....

here's to tomorrow!

Test Results...

For you wonderful folks who follow this blog, I'm sorry to have left you hanging on the outcome of my last doctor's appointment. The results are in and....

-drum roll-

*MRI was negative for demyelination = not MS.

I know I should be over the moon that I don't have MS, (and believe me, I really am happy not to have it), but that leaves me with No Diagnosis.

Or worse, the non-diagnosis of Fibromylagia - (which apparently means I am a bat-shit crazy with a personality disorder)

I couldn't write about this for a few days, because I mostly feel defeated. I feel ashamed of being sick with no objective indication of illness. I feel dismissed.

I don't know where to turn next. Do I just give up? Is this the way life is going to be forever?

Thanks to God for my wonderful husband (who loves me no matter how I wake up feeling each day), for my friends (who stick by me even when I cancel plans with great frequency), and for my mom (who checks in on me everyday hoping for good news...and buys me groceries when I am too ill to leave the house). I don't know how I would have survived the past few years without you all to count on.

* Actually, the reason the doctor didn't want to share the report in advance of our meeting was due to what she calls an 'incidental finding' of my cerebellar tonsils (WTF??) being 4mm longer than they should be. Apparently this is not something I should worry about. Who knew there were tonsils in the brain?

Back to Cancun

Here we are again...almost two years have passed since our last visit to Cancun. I'm excited to be here because truthfully, I don't remember much of our first visit.

In March of 2009 we vacationed here at one of the lower points of my illness trajectory. I saw much more of our hotel room than I did of the beach. A trip to the ruins just about did me in. I was cranky and tired and sick. Looking back, I wonder if I was an 'early adopter' of H1N1. Not long after we returned from our holiday, the whole flu thing came on the radar with Cancun as a sort of 'ground zero' for the virus.

In any case, the weather is warm, the pool is beautiful, the view is heaven. The buffet breakfast was too good to be true. Possibly the best french toast I've had since our Wedding Brunch of 2006. This resort is a true five star experience.

We were in Cuba earlier this week, but the weather, resort and service were all so awful we decided to "take a vacation from our vacation" and fly our at our first opportunity - fortunately, the first flight available was to Mexico.

I am so grateful to be here again. Grateful that my mother seems to be doing well, our fur-babies are in good care, my health appears to be stable (not counting my 3 hour naps for every four hours of wakefulness...). Grateful that my husband is almost finished his doctorate. We are so blessed.

Happy New Year, I hope the year ahead brings good health and happiness to us all!

Snow Day

This is my back deck. We are having a very big winter storm today. The city has been shut down and trust, our front driveway looks much like the back.

What a perfect time to decorate the Christmas tree and curl up by the fire with a warm mug of coffee...

gratitude, part i

Time to focus on the positive. My life is full of wonderful, happy moments that don't seem to make it into my blog often enough.

This is my cat. She has been with me for eight years since I adopted her from a shelter. She rescued me.

I love her and her and her trance-like stare. Her purr has magic sleep-inducing properties.

Today I am grateful for my precious cat.

Bliss

Sometimes, when I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be healthy, I wake up to a good day.

Today was a GREAT day.

Shoulder pain - gone!

Migraine - none!

Fatigue - nope!

Brain fog - nope, complete clarity!

Driving downtown tonight - my ipod blaring Atomic* - I realized that if feeling this well and energetic could be bottled, I would be an addict.

It was bliss.

*Atomic by Blondie, from Eat to the Beat, 1974

Merry Christmas

Dear Friends in the Blogisphere,

Merry Christmas to you all! I hope that the holidays and the New Year are full of good times and good health for you and your families.

Thanks for all the wonderful reading and the support you've all been this year. I will update soon, but I'm feeling better than I have in a long time.

Happy holidays!

Penelope

dog park

It was a good morning. My puppies curled up next to me on the couch as I sipped my coffee. My husband was still sleeping soundly in bed next to the cat. And there was no headache. No headache at all.

With the sun streaming through the window, I felt alive for the first time in weeks. I actually wanted to go outside. How long has it been since I took the dogs for a walk? Months?

When all of us were up and about, my husband and I put on our coats and boots, filled our pockets up with plastic bags, and headed to one of my favourite places - the dog park.

The puppies ran and tumbled, bowed and growled and chased. They looked so happy to be in the sunshine, running freely. I'm holding hands with my love, and feeling absolute joy. This is my family, this is my life. This is what a good life feels like.

it's good to be home

vacations are great, but some of the best things in my life were just waiting for me to come home.

oh my speeding heart

So far today's withdrawal symptoms haven't been too bad. I'm definitely tired, but nothing new with that!

The odd thing is that my little heart-wreck is racing. I've taken my blood pressure a few times with my handy home blood pressure machine * and have found that my BP is a remarkably low 88/49 with a pulse rate over 100. Nifty. **

As My Amazingly Brilliant Husband is away on business this week, and I am at the bottom of the motivation pit, I have relented and hired a person to help me clean the house tomorrow. (by help, I expect that she will be doing most of the heavy lifting). I feel so guilty not doing my own housework. I mean, what else do I have to do all day? Sleep? Rest on the couch? Check my blood pressure? How flippin' hard can it be to throw a load of laundry in along the way?

Apparently, the answer is very hard as the mountain of clothing piling up in the bedroom closet can attest to.

My Fabulous Mother came by tonight with groceries for me and stopped in for some tea and a game of Wii golf. It might have been cold outside, but in the land of Nintendo, the sky was blue and the fairways were perfect!

It seems that I might have overdone it swinging the "golf club", as I am now short of breath and thinking I need a nap before I can get ready for bed. Did I really just write that sentence?

Did I also mention that I am (or was, not that long ago) a reasonably proportioned, fit person? Who the hell gasps for air after playing Wii golf??

Sigh....MUST APPRECIATE THE GOOD THINGS:

• I am very happy to have my wonderful family and the sweetest furry creatures you could imagine.
• I am very grateful that I am able to afford to have someone help me with the cleaning.
• I am very grateful for my beautiful home.
• I am extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to go away on holiday next week to a sunny beach.
  

One day at a time. At least I'm not feeling sad!

(*note: you might be suffering from hypochondria if you own a home blood pressure machine)